New Job(s)

I've come up with how I feel about my work/job status as of now: jigsaw puzzle.

It fits (or rather, doesn't fit) as a good way to describe how I am attempting to cram together the tattered pieces of part-time jobs into something I can live off of. A few hours here, a few hours there...but it's so unfulfilling, not to mention hard to navigate.

At the moment I have three jobs, soon to be four. None of them really provide anything for me aside from a measly paycheck or a few dollars. Hell, at one of them I get a free meal and at this point I guess I consider that payment too. We haven't gotten groceries in a while now.

Although, not having money for more food is in a way refreshing. I am having to come up with strange recipes and I have invented new ways to cook odd things. I made salsa today instead of buying it. It sure was a helluva lot better than store bought crap.

But, I can't help thinking that if I did have a 9-5, full-time job, I would feel too boxed in. I suppose it's a balance between not having enough money/stability and not having enough time to call my own. Isn't that what we're all striving for really? Something we can do with our time that we feel is worth a damn and get paid for it. Too bad that has got to be one of the hardest things to do ever.

Also, another nagging thorn in the side is the issue of our food stamps. We had to turn in our 6-month review by March 1st. I turned it in sometime mid February. I got a letter a few weeks back informing me that since I did NOT turn in my 6-month review, our food stamps would be canceled by March 31st. Well, aint that a dandy! So, I call our case worker (of course only getting her voice mail, I've NEVER gotten anything but her voice mail, if I hadn' already met the lady I'd swear that she doesn't exist and the State Department is run by robots) and I leave her a message imploring her to figure this out and either call or send a letter stating that it is all cleared up. Well, another week and a half goes by, no call, no letter. So I call again and (can you guess...another robot voice mail...my suspicions are begining to be confirmed) and leave another deperste plea for someone, anyone, robot or human to answer my call and just tell me if something was indeed wrong with our review. Because if our stamps get cancelled, that is just wrong, M-O-O-N, and that spells wrong.

No justice I tell you. NONE!

Bike

It's interesting living with a roommate who has a "real" job; 9-5, a 401k, insurance, etc. The contrast between us financially is like a canyon, the grand freakin' canyon. It's never an issue really, it just provides some striking comparisons between the life style of people below and above the poverty line living under one roof.

He bought a bike a few days ago. It cost more than Aaron and I make in a month combined.

Just chew on that, let it roll around for a little while.

I'm not angry or anything, hell, it's a sweet bike. I suppose I am jealous, though. Not the angry, intense jealousy, but more of that sighing, wistful jealousy "ahhh....look at that....how cool is that?"
You know.

Selfish

Everyone on the mainstream news keeps going on and on about Ayn Rand's novel "Atlas Shrugged," and the idea it presents: that the rich people of society get "fed up" with supporting the "mooching" poor people and decide to go on a sort of strike then form their own nation where they don't have to support any people lower than themselves.

There is even a blogger who is trying to urge rich people now to do the same thing. The funny think about his blog is that off to the side is a note from him saying he is looking for employment. Nice. I'd like to meet that guy.

I can't wrap my brain around how selfish people can become. Oh this, this stuff is mine. You can't have any, I don't care how much you need it. Seriously, didn't your parents teach you to share when you where little...oh wait most "old" money people probably didn't have parents that taught them that.

And then there are self made "new" rich people. I worked hard for this money, I'm not going to share it! How easily people can lose sight of where they come from. Having money does this thing to your brain where it is almost damn near impossible to remember what it is like to not have that money. It's like a blanket that covers your eyes. I can't see all those poor people anymore from my big house, so I'll just keep pretending that they are not there.

Could you imagine a nation somewhere made up of America's elite and rich? The thought of it makes me cringe. I'd rather be poor and have my sense of humanity. Strike that, I'd rather have money and my sense of humanity but it seems more and more apparent that that is impossible.

Like stealing candy from a baby

I work at a private school. A really rich one. Yes, the irony. It's not a bad place don't get me wrong, but oh man, the kids at this school, they have some money (correction, their parents have the money), old money too. My job there is sort of like a glorified babysitter for after school. I enjoy it most of the times, I really do. I just don't get nearly enough hours.

Yesterday I was cleaning up and I found a kids coat. Must have been one of the older kids because it was pretty big. I went through the pockets trying to figure out whose it was and in one pocket I found a few 1$ bills and some quarters. For brief moment it occurred to me how jealous I was! I wish I had a few dollars in my pocket. I try not to keep any cash on me for several reasons: one, I don't have any cash to spare, two,I might lose it or get it stolen, and three, heaven forbid I spend it on something I need/want.

It's all about prioritizing. But when it comes down between medicine, food, bills to pay, etc, you realize that you are damned if you do, damned if you don't.

Today I realized...

I went to the bank today. And I realized that I was a poor person.

I suppose I should let you know right off the bat that this isn't going to be a very cheerful blog, or is it going to be very polished. This is just a way for me to keep a record of this...challenging time in our life. I suppose I could just say shitty, yah, it's pretty shitty.

Anyways, So I am at the bank. I'm cashing my "paycheck." It's only 144$ for two weeks of work. Aaron is thankfully bringing in a lot more then me.

Don't get me wrong, this isn't just me bitching about not having money, I get it, we are all broke. This is about Aaron and I, and others we know, living and learning together about what it means to be part of poverty. Aaron and I are so far below the poverty line, I can't even see it from where we are standing. But, somehow, I don't feel like the traditional image of a poor person: I rent a house, I have a few nice things, I eat good food, I get to have fun (sometimes). Is this a new kind of poor? Or are we just good at living within our means?

One thing is for sure, I did not see this coming.